Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Squawk Jefferson's Presidential Pet Gallery

Maybe it's because the media focuses so much on how cute and cuddly I am or how mischievous I can be, but not many people know that I am a pup of very refined tastes. At night I like to curl up on the sofa with a bowl of organic dog treats made of the highest quality ingredients. I kick back, put a Bizet opera on the record player, and just calm my mind after a long day of political hubbub and media blitz. That's my idea of relaxation. Other times I go for a quiet stroll through the White House rose garden, admiring the delicate blossoms and checking in on the sparrows and robins. But my favorite thing to do is to walk the halls of the little known South Wing, which is home to the Squawk Jefferson Presidential Pet Gallery, clandestinely created in 1803 by Thomas Jefferson's highly intelligent pet mockingbird, Squawk.

Because I love my readers, I'm going to let you have a peek at some of these exquisite works of art. Until now, only presidential pets have been allowed the privilege of viewing these fine pieces. But just as my Pops is a vanguard and instigator of change, so is his dog. Thus, I present to you my favorite works of art from the Squawk Jefferson Presidential Pet Art Gallery. RIP, Squawk, and thank you for your dedication to pets everywhere.

Squawk, Thomas Jefferson's highly intelligent mockingbird, mixed media. In addition to founding the pet gallery, Squawk helped write the first draft of the Declaration of Independence. For the final document, Jefferson, at his peers' urging, cut out the phrase "We hold these truths to be self-evident..squawk!...that all birds are created equal...squawk!...that they are endowed by their Creator with certain...squawk!...unalienable Rights, that among these are Water...squawk!...Seed and the pursuit of a...squawk!...Comfy Nest."


Grins, John Quincy Adams' patriotic alligator, oil on canvas. Grins spoke out against injustices in the weaving and paper-making industries at any and all opportune moments, but not many people listened to what he had to say because they were really afraid of him.


Nanny and Nanko (I'm not sure which is which), Abraham Lincoln's goats, oil on canvas. Despite the unfounded rhetoric you might read about them, they had nothing to do with the writing of the Emancipation Proclamation and instead spent much of their time rummaging through Lincoln's trash.


Benjamin Harrison's possum, Winston, oil on canvas. He also had no practical skills.


Theodore Roosevelt's feisty pony, Algonquin, oil on canvas. I'm not sure why there was a bowl of snakes on the sidewalk when Algonquin posed for this painting, but I'm glad Sasha and Malia are just as repulsed by snakes as I am! It would just not do for the Obamas to keep vipers in the White House!


Mike, Bess Truman's loyal Irish setter, oil on canvas. Does anyone remember poor ol' Mike?


Checkers, Richard Nixon's Cocker spaniel. Not many people know this, but Checkers was actually the canine counterpart to "Deep Throat" and was known in inside circles as "Deep Bark."

Liberty, Gerald Ford's golden retriever, oil on canvas. Like his master, Liberty was very clumsy and once knocked over an eight-foot-tall house of cards that Ford had been working on for six months while in office.


Buddy and Socks (peeking from behind the tree), the Clintons' chocolate lab and black-and-white cat, oil on canvas. Unlike most Democrats and Republicans, Buddy and Socks proved that "enemies" can get along. Those two didn't even know the meaning of "bipartisanship." RIP, my furry friends.


Socks, oil on canvas. Here we see Socks on his way to a congressional hearing on stricter regulations in the pet food industry.


Who knew George W. Bush had a pet cat named Willie who roamed the second floor of the White House? But then again who knew a lot of what went on in that administration? I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's Karl Rove's pet rat, Rat Head, on the left.

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